womanofvalue | [outlander psl au]

The ground was saturated with so much rain that Peggy thought she might be washed away, but just because the plains were soaked didn't mean that the drills stopped. The soldiers didn't know it yet, but the landings were going to arrive sooner than anyone wanted and that meant no one can be untrained, lest they end up paying with their lives on those beaches. Today, when the fog rolled in, her superiors informed her that she would be running orienteering with her men, eliciting a sharp 'sir, yes, sir' from Peggy before she took the maps to her own private tent in order to brief the Lieutenants.

Leaning over to study the map, her stubborn engagement ring catches her eye. It had managed to escape from where she had tucked it away, just like all her thoughts about Fred. Their engagement was a terse and stressful thing. When she had announced that she was going into the field with the SSR, he had threatened to leave her. It had been her mother that had convinced Fred to wait Peggy out, insisting that once the war was over, things would change.

As much as Peggy was fond of Fred, she was beginning to see the splinters in their engagement turn to wider cracks, chasms so wide that you could lose sight of the love you once shared and guided you towards that engagement. Carefully, she pushed the ring back, securing it with one of her brassiere straps. Snapping her compass shut, she gave the objective and the orders. "I'll be out in the field to keep an eye on each platoon. The first to reach the objective will not run additional miles," she promised.

"The others will be doing laps around the base, respective to their finishing position." Folding up the map, she handed one to each of her four Lieutenants. "Let them look at it for a few hours, then to the navigator." With a few more orders, she allowed them to prepare as she herself got ready. She tugged on knee-high rain boots, an overcoat, and despite the misty fog in the air, she double-checked that her hair and makeup was in good shape.

Several hours later found Peggy in the thick of drills, listening to the shouts of men in the distance as they worked their way towards her and the objective. Standing there with a brolly, she glanced at her pocketwatch and decided mentally that she would see the first platoon in no more than forty-five minutes. Clasping the watch shut, the echo of it was drowned by another sound -- one that didn't belong. The sound of twigs and branches crunching made Peggy reach for her pistol, simply to be ready.

"Phillips?" she called out, thinking perhaps something had happened and she needed to recall her men. She saw the silhouette of what appeared to be a man in the fog and she found herself inexplicably drawn towards him, mainly because it simply didn't make any sense. "Who's there?" she asked, when it was clear that the man she was seeing didn't bear resemblance to anyone on base. This close, she could see that his hair had a strange look to it, not to mention his clothes. "Has there been an accident?" What could have happened to render the man in such a state?

(Peggy also did not need to allow her conscious thoughts to become aware of how handsome the man was, despite the fact she feared she was already a lost cause, given the way she was filled with a renewed warmth and how her gaze lingered)

They were inside a ring of large stones, which she vaguely recalled the locals warning her about. She had paid little mind, marking them perfunctorily on the map before moving on, but now she had to wonder if the talk of strange rituals wasn't at least a little true. Forty-five minutes. She had forty-five minutes until the men arrived, surely she could deal with this surprise in that time.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

bearstheshield

"You'll always have the backup," Steve promises her. He's only just met her but he doesn't know if he's ever going to get to go back home. For right now, he's going to be stuck here in 1940s England and if that's the case? He's going to be right behind Peggy Carter making sure she has what she needs.

"You don't have to worry about that."

From:

womanofvalue

Peggy gives him a pleased murmur in reply, settling herself in the back seat where she can watch over Erskine. As well, she can stare at the back of Steve's neck and wonder what it is that she's managed to get herself into. It's the same thought rattling around through the whole of the drive, not to mention the boat, where she lets Erskine debrief them on what Schmidt had been doing. She takes notes and spends the Jeep journey back to base with those.

When they arrive, she asks to see the Colonel immediately, but is stopped by one of the lieutenants. "What is it?" she asks, as she glances back to make sure Steve isn't wandering off (as if he might disappear, vanishing back to where she'd found him).

"Letter, ma'am," he says, handing it to her.

She frowns when she sees that it's from Fred, absently pressing her palm to where her engagement ring lies against her chest, but right now, she has other priorities. With Erskine heading quickly back to his lab, she approaches Steve to regard him curiously. "Would you like me to arrange a transport for you anywhere?" she asks, hoping that her worry about the question doesn't show.

From:

bearstheshield

"There's no place I'd rather be than the Front, ma'am," Steve says, giving Peggy a worried look. He's not sure what's going on but he has no idea how he can get back home and if he can't, he wants to be where the fighting is. That's going to do more good in the 1940s than him hanging back hoping he doesn't break anything.

"Do you need to transfer me to another unit?"

From:

womanofvalue

"Well, I'm not the Front," she says, as she takes out the letter to open it, thinking that it will simply be another of his usual requests as to when she'll be back, when she's going to stop this silly dream of playing a hero. "I don't want to transfer you if you don't wish to go," she replies, but she's distracted.

It's not a normal letter at all. What do you call a Dear John letter, when you're a woman and receiving it. He asks her to send the ring back, that he's met someone else who will 'fit his life better'.

Though Peggy hadn't expected this, she finds herself sitting to take in what it says for a long moment. Turning, she clears her throat and keep her eyes clear as she slides the chain off her neck, tucking it and the ring in the opened envelope. She'll return it to him later, right now, she has someone else to worry about. Glancing at him to realize Steve is still there, she gives him a surprised look.

"Sorry," she says, for her distraction. "What I was saying is, if you want to be at the front, it won't be here."

From:

bearstheshield

Steve pauses for a moment and watches her, not certain what's just happened. Peggy seems a little distracted by the contents of the letter and he wants to close the distance between them and cup her shoulder, ask what's wrong. He settles for canting his head a bit and watching her carefully.

"I want to be where I'm most useful. Do you think you'd have a use for me if I stayed here with you? Missions, off the record extractions, that kind of thing?"

From:

womanofvalue

Peggy works to tuck the envelope into her back pocket, trying to clear her mind of the traitorous thoughts that wish to run so rampant and free. She's stinging and hurt because Fred had been the one to dump her, even though she hadn't loved him any more than he, her. And yet, it hurts also to lose a future, even if it hadn't been one that she had wanted.

"Now that Erskine is back, perhaps you can help with the experiment," she says. They haven't found anyone that Peggy is willing to endorse and has been steadily lobbying Phillips to allow her to undergo the first test before they find soldiers. "It's more science than soldiering, but if my request comes to pass, I could use a strong set of arms." She eyes his, trying not to flush at how much she enjoys looking at them.

From:

bearstheshield

"Willing and able to serve," Steve says, giving her a half smile. "I don't follow the science part much but part of being in the Army is being able to follow orders you don't necessarily understand and trusting the outcome."

It's served him well, for the most part, and he wants to trust that Peggy and Erskine are doing work for the good guys. He thinks so. "You just let me know where to be and when and I'll be there. I trust you, Peggy. With my life."

From:

womanofvalue

Peggy is starting to think that she's in far deeper than she knows what to do with, given how much she already feels connected to this man. It's nervewracking and frankly, terrifying, especially now that she knows that there's no man waiting for her back in England.

"In that case, come with me," she says. "Get something to eat. Once Erskine's had a bit of a rest, you can come stand behind me and glower while I make my case again," she says, determined not to give up on her plans.

From:

womanofvalue

From:

bearstheshield

"Glower? Do I look that intimidating?" Steve has never felt intimidating. Deep down, he still feels like a skinny kid from Brooklyn but he knows his body belies that now. He has the serum to thank for it, even if Erskine had been dead by the time Steve had ever joined the Army or even been born. It's crazy, meeting him now.

Crazier still is how attached he feels to Peggy. He doesn't want to leave her to go to the Mess but he does, getting something to eat. He does it quickly, methodically, and gets back to her so he can help her in any way he can.

"All right, where do I need to go and glower?"

From:

womanofvalue

"You are rather big," is his pointed evaluation of him. She keeps moving, mainly because she knows that the moment she stops, the reality of that letter is going to catch up to her and Peggy can't guarantee that she isn't going to end up crying at the end of it, mainly because she simply hadn't been expecting such a change. She knows it's for the best, that this is what ought to happen, but her stomach drops out every time she thinks, now, of ending this war alone.

When Steve leaves her for the mess, she takes a moment in her office to break down. It's no more than a few moments, but when he returns, she has to dab at her cheeks to keep them cool, gesturing to the labs down the hall. "This way," she indicates. "I'm going to pitch my proposal to Erskine again, and this time, I'm going to make sure he listens." This time, she really has nothing to lose.

From:

bearstheshield

"What proposal is that, exactly? Not that I won't help you," Steve points out, "But I'd kind of like to know what I'm using my large body to endorse before I go and endorse it."

He definitely wants to know what he's getting himself into before he's got his feet in the fire.

From:

womanofvalue

"Erskine has a serum that he's going to use, the details of which are more classified than even I have beyond its general purpose," she admits, because while she knows what it does, she has no idea how it works or the potential side effects. "They're limited in trial because of a lack of volunteers amidst the group that are suitable."

"I've been trying to get him to use me," she says. "I'm expendable, but I can also help to serve the greater purpose. He's going to fold," she says, aggressive in her determination. "I know he will, once I present all the logic to him."

From:

bearstheshield

"Do...you think it will help or hurt if I tell you that I've had that serum used on me? I came out just fine," Steve assures her. "And I'm happy to tell Erskine my circumstances, all of them, if you think it will help him make up his mind. It could make a difference in the war, just like you said."

Steve doesn't know if he should be affecting the past but maybe this is why he's here: he's here to get Erskine to do his experiment on Peggy Carter.

From:

womanofvalue

Peggy gives him a sharp look, taken aback by this pronouncement. She's still coming to terms as to whether or not she believes that this man is actually from the future, but now he's standing here and telling her that he has the serum in him, the very one that she wants tested on her. Doing a little backtracking, she can tell that it means that someone has to be the test subject.

It only strengthens her resolve. "Maybe," she agrees. "If you can convince him that you really are from the future, then it will be an excellent reason as to why he needs to test it on me. If you're to receive it, they need to move to human trials and even Philips agrees that I'm the best candidate of the men he's got. Erskine, too," she says, with a determined nod. "He's only worried because I'm a woman," is what she adds, bitterly, "but I have a purpose to serve, especially now that there's no one..."

She trails off. "Well, it's my duty, that's all," she cuts her self-pity off at the neck.

From:

bearstheshield

"You being a woman shouldn't matter anyway," Steve says quietly. "You want to serve your country. You're volunteering for something that would scare the hell out of most people. He ought to just let you do it on merit."

He pauses for a moment. "What do you mean, there's no one? No one else to volunteer?"

From:

womanofvalue

What's the harm in telling him the truth? It's hardly like Steve is going to go around blabbing it to the other men, because he's better than that. Regarding him coolly, she decides that she might as well be honest with him. "There's no one waiting for me to be their wife any longer," she says, because that's been made clear from Fred's letter.

"No one will miss me if I'm gone," is her firm reply, determined to be the trial patient. "It should be me, especially if it will go on to help the world and be used with others, like yourself."

From:

bearstheshield

"I think plenty of people would miss you if you were gone, Peggy," Steve says. He doesn't bother with calling her Agent Carter or Ms. Carter - not when it's something this personal. He knows it has to sting to feel like she's all alone in the world but she's not. There's plenty of people around here that look up to her. He's only been here just a few days and he can tell that; the people who've been here longer than that have to have taken more of a shine to her than even he has.

And oh, there's a shine. He's constantly thinking about Peggy Carter.

"I'd miss you, for one. That's not a reason not to volunteer yourself, of course, but...I'd miss you."

From:

womanofvalue

"The war effort is more important," she hears herself saying, even though she feels like she's underwater. There's something about the pull that Steve has on her that she can't quantify, staring at him like she's known him for so long, but it's not been that long at all.

And yet, how can it be like this? There's a connection here, she'd swear it, but it doesn't make any sense.

"You're going back to your future at some point, aren't you?" It's a fairly cut and dry response, as far as she's concerned. "I can't imagine you're going to stay here in the past. You've got your own life, your own work to do," she says, trying not to sound hurt as she says it.

From:

bearstheshield

"Who knows if I can get back? I didn't really anticipate coming here," Steve points out. "I just remember getting close to those stones and it happened. I don't know if it works both ways. Besides, I'm going to be here as long as you need me to help with the Allied war effort. I'm not going to mess anything up in my future...in our future, without knowing that things play out the way they're supposed to here. I know the high points of the campaigns of the war. Let me help you."

From:

womanofvalue

He says our future and Peggy tries not to feel the sting of pain when she thinks about the fact that no matter how selfish she's going to be, she can't see herself somehow allowing herself to let Steve stay simply because she wants him here.

(Though, she does, she absolutely and utterly does). Looking him over, she gives him a nod of her head. "Help me with Erskine and if that works, I'll bring you to Philips myself," she promises. "If I'm successful, I'll be spending a great deal of time in the lab and they'll need a liaison to look for more candidates once we know the serum works. You're clearly the right fit, so perhaps you'll be able to help identify them as well."

From:

bearstheshield

"I'll be happy to do anything you need," Steve says, nodding. "I'll convince him. This serum needs to work and you need to test it. I'll do whatever it takes to convince him of that and give him every bit of evidence he needs. He can test me, if he wants. I don't mind. It's because of this serum that I'm able to do what I do to keep the world safe."

From:

womanofvalue

Peggy is overwhelmed with the sudden desire to lean up and kiss his cheek for such an adamant defense of her own skills and worth. She curbs it, but only barely, instead looking at the space between them because she doesn't dare to think too much about the strange connection between them.

"In that case, I should get back to debriefing," she says, swallowing nervously as she wonders what's happening. "Will you meet me, then, tomorrow morning? We'll approach him then."

From:

bearstheshield

"Absolutely. You want me to bring you anything from the Mess? Seems like the nice thing to do, since you're giving me some trust. I can bring you tea or something?"

It's starting to be a little more personal than just a mission and he knows it but he doesn't want Peggy to feel alone. Maybe her fiance had broken it off but there's people who care about her - he's starting to care more than he ever thought he could.

From:

womanofvalue

"I think that I'm fine without," she says, which is a lie. She's just not sure she can keep dealing with Steve like this, so overwhelming and overpowering to all of her senses. She needs a small break from him, which is why she declines. "I'll see you in the morning, though." Then, she'll pursue the idea of siccing Steve on Erskine in order to get what she wants.

It's a relatively sleepless night, seeing as she spends it tossing and turning, thinking so much about Steve. When she wakes, she has to take cold cream to the bags under her eyes and spend an extra ten minutes on herself to avoid looking like a disaster.

Before she goes, she reads the letter from Fred one last time, not sure that she's ready to deal with it. She'll cope with it later or not at all, in true denial form. When she gets to the mess, she picks up two trays of food and settles in the corner, sipping tea as she works through her notes, trying to shore up her case before she goes to find Erskine.