womanofvalue | [outlander psl au]

The ground was saturated with so much rain that Peggy thought she might be washed away, but just because the plains were soaked didn't mean that the drills stopped. The soldiers didn't know it yet, but the landings were going to arrive sooner than anyone wanted and that meant no one can be untrained, lest they end up paying with their lives on those beaches. Today, when the fog rolled in, her superiors informed her that she would be running orienteering with her men, eliciting a sharp 'sir, yes, sir' from Peggy before she took the maps to her own private tent in order to brief the Lieutenants.

Leaning over to study the map, her stubborn engagement ring catches her eye. It had managed to escape from where she had tucked it away, just like all her thoughts about Fred. Their engagement was a terse and stressful thing. When she had announced that she was going into the field with the SSR, he had threatened to leave her. It had been her mother that had convinced Fred to wait Peggy out, insisting that once the war was over, things would change.

As much as Peggy was fond of Fred, she was beginning to see the splinters in their engagement turn to wider cracks, chasms so wide that you could lose sight of the love you once shared and guided you towards that engagement. Carefully, she pushed the ring back, securing it with one of her brassiere straps. Snapping her compass shut, she gave the objective and the orders. "I'll be out in the field to keep an eye on each platoon. The first to reach the objective will not run additional miles," she promised.

"The others will be doing laps around the base, respective to their finishing position." Folding up the map, she handed one to each of her four Lieutenants. "Let them look at it for a few hours, then to the navigator." With a few more orders, she allowed them to prepare as she herself got ready. She tugged on knee-high rain boots, an overcoat, and despite the misty fog in the air, she double-checked that her hair and makeup was in good shape.

Several hours later found Peggy in the thick of drills, listening to the shouts of men in the distance as they worked their way towards her and the objective. Standing there with a brolly, she glanced at her pocketwatch and decided mentally that she would see the first platoon in no more than forty-five minutes. Clasping the watch shut, the echo of it was drowned by another sound -- one that didn't belong. The sound of twigs and branches crunching made Peggy reach for her pistol, simply to be ready.

"Phillips?" she called out, thinking perhaps something had happened and she needed to recall her men. She saw the silhouette of what appeared to be a man in the fog and she found herself inexplicably drawn towards him, mainly because it simply didn't make any sense. "Who's there?" she asked, when it was clear that the man she was seeing didn't bear resemblance to anyone on base. This close, she could see that his hair had a strange look to it, not to mention his clothes. "Has there been an accident?" What could have happened to render the man in such a state?

(Peggy also did not need to allow her conscious thoughts to become aware of how handsome the man was, despite the fact she feared she was already a lost cause, given the way she was filled with a renewed warmth and how her gaze lingered)

They were inside a ring of large stones, which she vaguely recalled the locals warning her about. She had paid little mind, marking them perfunctorily on the map before moving on, but now she had to wonder if the talk of strange rituals wasn't at least a little true. Forty-five minutes. She had forty-five minutes until the men arrived, surely she could deal with this surprise in that time.

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From:

womanofvalue

If that's the case, she thinks that maybe it's best if they don't overwhelm Erskine with the both of them at once. "Stay here, I'll call you in when I need you to back me up," she decides, because if she doesn't actually have to require Steve's help, all the better for it, and she'll feel like she's managed to do something without needing his help.

Still, she takes a long breath to give herself courage, stepping inside once Erskine summons her. As predicted, he's rather recalcitrant about letting her do this, no matter how much Peggy is ready to huff and fight, and while he sees her point, he keeps going on about the dangers. No matter how many times she insists that she'll bear the cost, that's what he relies on.

"I thought we might hit this sticking point," she says, as stubbornly as ever, "which is why I brought someone to defend my point and to reinforce the fact that I can bear it," she insists, opening the door to gesture for Steve to come inside.

From:

bearstheshield

"Peggy is one of the best people I've ever known and I haven't even known her that long," Steve says.

"She's determined, she's smart and she's loyal to her country and to the Allies. I don't think you'd find anyone more selfless than Peggy Carter. She puts country before self. If you're going to have someone be the volunteer for this program, I think she's the best."

From:

womanofvalue

Erskine glances between her and Steve, a faint look of amusement. "The rescuer is going to make your case," he says, but he seems to be considering it more than he had before. Perhaps Peggy is just grateful that Steve has already had the serum because otherwise, she would hate to have to compete against him for the very thing that she's trying to make happen.

"Doctor, I don't have a cadet to recommend to you," she says bluntly. "I know the Colonel believes otherwise, but I know what you want. I think that physically, they're all prime specimens, but many lack the heart of what you want and need. I'm expendable and if you take out one of the Colonel's men, that hurts the project. Test it on me, then we'll find you someone better," she says.

She wants to reach back for Steve's hand for support, but also wants to stand strong. Breathing out slowly, she keeps her gaze forward. "Sir, please," she insists.

"You approve of these risks?" Erskine asks, which is a question that seems to be directed at both her and Steve. "What do you think about her doing this? She could die," he points out bluntly.

From:

bearstheshield

"I think that her wanting to do it because she can die is exactly why you should pick her," Steve says. "She's willing to be a test subject in case something goes wrong so that a cadet isn't wasted. That's exactly the kind of selfless and devoted to country you need for a project like this." It is, also, basically the same explanation he'd given when he was picked.

"I can't tell you what to do, Doc, but I know she's the best woman I've ever met. I think she's capable."

From:

womanofvalue

Erskine paces a little, fiddling with his glasses, and while he does, Peggy doesn't intend to let him out of her sights for a moment. She's going to keep a steady eye on him, ready to pounce on any further doubts that he might express. "You're very determined for this," Erskine says.

"I am," she agrees.

"And if I agree, you're willing to withstand any side effects?"

While Peggy is nervous about them, that's something she's buried and doesn't intend to let stop her. Lifting her chin up, she nods her head. "I am," she repeats, but this time, there's a firm determination within the words. Hands behind her back, she squeezes her fingers into her palm, the same one she'd been wishing were in Steve's hand.

Erskine affords one last look between them. "It's not what I would have wanted, but you're right. I need a trial. Tomorrow, Agent Carter. Don't eat or drink anything tonight, you're going to need to be ready. If you change your mind, you only need to let me know."

For a moment, Peggy's shock is so dominant that it doesn't register that he's agreed. She's been expecting anything but, so to have it happen is beyond her wildest expectations. It's why she ends up standing there so blankly.

From:

bearstheshield

“You’re not going to be disappointed, doctor,” Steve says, stepping in and speaking. He wouldn’t normally step in for Peggy but it seems like she needs it right now and he doesn’t want to let her down.

“I really think she’s going to be the best person for the job, man or woman.”

From:

womanofvalue

Peggy's still reeling from the fact that it's going to happen when she steps out into the hall. She inhales deeply and brings herself to full height, trying to be proud of what she's accomplished instead of upset. It's happened. It really has.

Turning in order to find Steve, she gives him a surprised look. "I think a part of me expected that not to work," she confesses.

From:

bearstheshield

"Well, you can be pretty persuasive. You managed to get me to go on an extraction and I barely knew you," Steve reminds her. "You instill a lot of confidence in people. It's a good quality to have, Peggy, and I think it's why you'll be a good candidate for the serum."

He pauses for a moment. "I didn't even need to admit I'd had it already."

From:

womanofvalue

"And here I'd hoped you were just scared of me," Peggy replies, feeling a touch overwhelmed, but immensely pleased. She's not used to getting her way when it comes to these sorts of missions, so to have it happen is a relief. "No, I'm glad you didn't have to," she adds.

"Though, maybe we could talk," she adds, some of the uncertainty creeping in. "You could describe how the process works, simply so I can be prepared."

From:

bearstheshield

"Absolutely. I figured you might want to know about it," Steve says. "So I made myself some notes so I could just lay out my thoughts. Do you mind coming with me to get them before we go somewhere out of the way to talk about it?"

He gives her a bit of a furtive look. "I figure this is still top secret, right?"

From:

womanofvalue

He's right, though that doesn't leave Peggy with many options. Even her office here on the base is shared with other people. In fact, the only truly private place they can go to is...

"I suppose we can debrief in my room," she says, keeping her voice steady and even, because she imagines that if she does that, then he might not read anything into it (despite the quiet little fantasies about it that have been starting up).

From:

bearstheshield

"That's probably going to be for the best," Steve agrees. "I don't want to accidentally leak any information to people who don't need to have it - whether they're Allies or Axis."

Steve clears his throat a little. "I don't know much about secret ops in this war but I do know that HYDRA started here. We're still dealing with them in my era."

From:

womanofvalue

There's an alarmed look on Peggy's face to hear that HYDRA is still in existence at that point in the future, because it's not something that she thought that would last so long. She'd hoped that they would simply deal with them and that would be that.

Gesturing to the hall, she's ready to lead him on. "Well, there won't be anyone in my quarters. As one of the few women here, they don't really know what to do with me, so I've a little privacy."

From:

bearstheshield

"That's a rarity on a base. You are lucky. Even as highly ranked as I am, they don't give me complete privacy." Steve likes being around others, though, and he doesn't withdraw from company most of the time. He likes the social aspects of having a team and working together and he's the kind of guy who plans team bonding events because it's important. Space has never been something he needs.

"How did you end up working with the US anyway?"

From:

womanofvalue

"I was requested to go into the field," she replies, making sure that her words are filled with professionalism, seeing as they're about to broach a personal space of hers and she feels that in order to maintain decorum, she needs to lean harder the other way.

"The projects were for many of the Allied countries, but the Colonel wanted help for Project Rebirth, which is how I came to be attached to the US," she explains, gesturing for Steve to come inside with her.

From:

bearstheshield

"Well, you do a great job. I just didn't know how an English woman had ended up with a corps of American soldiers." Steve works with a multi-national group of people now even if he does hold the rank of Captain in the US Army. He's proud of that rank, no matter what notoriety he has now, because he earned it before he became what he is now.

He steps inside and takes a chair, trying to give Peggy her space. "Must be hard, being the only woman out here."

From:

womanofvalue

"It gets lonely, from time to time," she admits, pacing back and forth because it allows her to continue to walk and think without having to actually look at him. She can't, because if she does, she's only going to think about the fact that Steve is in her bedroom and her mind will drift.

Her hand absently goes to the ring around her neck before she forgets that it's not there. "What was the procedure like?" she asks, getting straight to the point.

From:

bearstheshield

"Painful," Steve says. "I can't mince words with you on that because it was hell to go through. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. That being said, once you get through the other side of that, you're done. There's nothing that lingers past that initial treatment phase and you only ever have to do it once."

From:

womanofvalue

She's trying so hard not to let herself become worried about what he's saying. She can handle pain, Peggy tells herself, she can do that. Still, the fear lingers in her eyes and she imagines that Steve might be able to see it. "How long?" she asks, because that's what she really needs to know.

How long will that hell on earth last, she has to wonder. "How long will it be, that hell?"

From:

bearstheshield

"It's just for a few minutes. It's maybe a half hour, tops. Once that part's done, you'll be feeling better than you ever have in your entire life. You will never get sick again, pain doesn't matter as much, injury barely slows you down. You become unstoppable," Steve explains. "It's worth the pain, I think. It's worth it so you can do what you can for the Allieds and for your country."

From:

womanofvalue

Peggy knows that her whole life will be different, but then, she doesn't have anyone that will truly care if she's unstoppable and immune to all things. "It will be worth it if I can give Erskine a test case to use so that he can develop it for others. For you, one day," she admits, finally sitting on the end of her cot.

"Steve," she says, halting. "Will you be there with me for the procedure? Good or bad?"

From:

bearstheshield

"I wouldn't be anywhere else. I'm going to see this through to the end with you, Peggy. You've got my word on that. I know you haven't known me for very long but I don't ever go back on my word. It's just not something I do."

He wanted to assure her that he'd be there so that she knew she had at least one ally.

From:

womanofvalue

She's not even close to understanding why Steve creates such a reaction in her, but she doesn't question it as she reaches out to squeeze his hand in hers, needing the support, but also daring to have that little bit of contact.

"One would think that you would want to go back to your own time," she points out. "That I should be helping you to get there, rather than you trying to help me with my goals."

From:

bearstheshield

"I don't even know how I got here, Peggy. How can I expect to go back? How do I know it wasn't a one-way trip? You've been good to me here and you've allowed me to be useful when you could have had me locked up in Leavenworth instead in order to keep the Allieds safe. You trusted me. I'm going to repay that by letting you lean on me in this so you know you're not alone," Steve says.

"It's the very least I could do."

From:

womanofvalue

Peggy reaches out for his hand, knowing that this is perhaps a bit much, but as she settles in next to him, she lifts it up into hers, squeezing it because she needs the support and the reassurance. Giving him a somewhat worried look, she knows she doesn't like to show her fear, but it seems impossible here.

"I..." She swallows back the words, the truth, not sure that she should tell Steve anything about the things she's started to feel. She tells herself that it's ridiculous, that it's just a fancy. "I don't know how to tell you how much I appreciate that. How much I appreciate you," she says, stressing that word without taking her eyes off him.