[outlander psl au]

[womanofvalue]

The ground was saturated with so much rain that Peggy thought she might be washed away, but just because the plains were soaked didn't mean that the drills stopped. The soldiers didn't know it yet, but the landings were going to arrive sooner than anyone wanted and that meant no one can be untrained, lest they end up paying with their lives on those beaches. Today, when the fog rolled in, her superiors informed her that she would be running orienteering with her men, eliciting a sharp 'sir, yes, sir' from Peggy before she took the maps to her own private tent in order to brief the Lieutenants.

Leaning over to study the map, her stubborn engagement ring catches her eye. It had managed to escape from where she had tucked it away, just like all her thoughts about Fred. Their engagement was a terse and stressful thing. When she had announced that she was going into the field with the SSR, he had threatened to leave her. It had been her mother that had convinced Fred to wait Peggy out, insisting that once the war was over, things would change.

As much as Peggy was fond of Fred, she was beginning to see the splinters in their engagement turn to wider cracks, chasms so wide that you could lose sight of the love you once shared and guided you towards that engagement. Carefully, she pushed the ring back, securing it with one of her brassiere straps. Snapping her compass shut, she gave the objective and the orders. "I'll be out in the field to keep an eye on each platoon. The first to reach the objective will not run additional miles," she promised.

"The others will be doing laps around the base, respective to their finishing position." Folding up the map, she handed one to each of her four Lieutenants. "Let them look at it for a few hours, then to the navigator." With a few more orders, she allowed them to prepare as she herself got ready. She tugged on knee-high rain boots, an overcoat, and despite the misty fog in the air, she double-checked that her hair and makeup was in good shape.

Several hours later found Peggy in the thick of drills, listening to the shouts of men in the distance as they worked their way towards her and the objective. Standing there with a brolly, she glanced at her pocketwatch and decided mentally that she would see the first platoon in no more than forty-five minutes. Clasping the watch shut, the echo of it was drowned by another sound -- one that didn't belong. The sound of twigs and branches crunching made Peggy reach for her pistol, simply to be ready.

"Phillips?" she called out, thinking perhaps something had happened and she needed to recall her men. She saw the silhouette of what appeared to be a man in the fog and she found herself inexplicably drawn towards him, mainly because it simply didn't make any sense. "Who's there?" she asked, when it was clear that the man she was seeing didn't bear resemblance to anyone on base. This close, she could see that his hair had a strange look to it, not to mention his clothes. "Has there been an accident?" What could have happened to render the man in such a state?

(Peggy also did not need to allow her conscious thoughts to become aware of how handsome the man was, despite the fact she feared she was already a lost cause, given the way she was filled with a renewed warmth and how her gaze lingered)

They were inside a ring of large stones, which she vaguely recalled the locals warning her about. She had paid little mind, marking them perfunctorily on the map before moving on, but now she had to wonder if the talk of strange rituals wasn't at least a little true. Forty-five minutes. She had forty-five minutes until the men arrived, surely she could deal with this surprise in that time.

Comments

[womanofvalue]

"Erskine has a serum that he's going to use, the details of which are more classified than even I have beyond its general purpose," she admits, because while she knows what it does, she has no idea how it works or the potential side effects. "They're limited in trial because of a lack of volunteers amidst the group that are suitable."

"I've been trying to get him to use me," she says. "I'm expendable, but I can also help to serve the greater purpose. He's going to fold," she says, aggressive in her determination. "I know he will, once I present all the logic to him."

[bearstheshield]

"Do...you think it will help or hurt if I tell you that I've had that serum used on me? I came out just fine," Steve assures her. "And I'm happy to tell Erskine my circumstances, all of them, if you think it will help him make up his mind. It could make a difference in the war, just like you said."

Steve doesn't know if he should be affecting the past but maybe this is why he's here: he's here to get Erskine to do his experiment on Peggy Carter.

[womanofvalue]

Peggy gives him a sharp look, taken aback by this pronouncement. She's still coming to terms as to whether or not she believes that this man is actually from the future, but now he's standing here and telling her that he has the serum in him, the very one that she wants tested on her. Doing a little backtracking, she can tell that it means that someone has to be the test subject.

It only strengthens her resolve. "Maybe," she agrees. "If you can convince him that you really are from the future, then it will be an excellent reason as to why he needs to test it on me. If you're to receive it, they need to move to human trials and even Philips agrees that I'm the best candidate of the men he's got. Erskine, too," she says, with a determined nod. "He's only worried because I'm a woman," is what she adds, bitterly, "but I have a purpose to serve, especially now that there's no one..."

She trails off. "Well, it's my duty, that's all," she cuts her self-pity off at the neck.

[bearstheshield]

"You being a woman shouldn't matter anyway," Steve says quietly. "You want to serve your country. You're volunteering for something that would scare the hell out of most people. He ought to just let you do it on merit."

He pauses for a moment. "What do you mean, there's no one? No one else to volunteer?"

[womanofvalue]

What's the harm in telling him the truth? It's hardly like Steve is going to go around blabbing it to the other men, because he's better than that. Regarding him coolly, she decides that she might as well be honest with him. "There's no one waiting for me to be their wife any longer," she says, because that's been made clear from Fred's letter.

"No one will miss me if I'm gone," is her firm reply, determined to be the trial patient. "It should be me, especially if it will go on to help the world and be used with others, like yourself."

[bearstheshield]

"I think plenty of people would miss you if you were gone, Peggy," Steve says. He doesn't bother with calling her Agent Carter or Ms. Carter - not when it's something this personal. He knows it has to sting to feel like she's all alone in the world but she's not. There's plenty of people around here that look up to her. He's only been here just a few days and he can tell that; the people who've been here longer than that have to have taken more of a shine to her than even he has.

And oh, there's a shine. He's constantly thinking about Peggy Carter.

"I'd miss you, for one. That's not a reason not to volunteer yourself, of course, but...I'd miss you."

[womanofvalue]

"The war effort is more important," she hears herself saying, even though she feels like she's underwater. There's something about the pull that Steve has on her that she can't quantify, staring at him like she's known him for so long, but it's not been that long at all.

And yet, how can it be like this? There's a connection here, she'd swear it, but it doesn't make any sense.

"You're going back to your future at some point, aren't you?" It's a fairly cut and dry response, as far as she's concerned. "I can't imagine you're going to stay here in the past. You've got your own life, your own work to do," she says, trying not to sound hurt as she says it.

[bearstheshield]

"Who knows if I can get back? I didn't really anticipate coming here," Steve points out. "I just remember getting close to those stones and it happened. I don't know if it works both ways. Besides, I'm going to be here as long as you need me to help with the Allied war effort. I'm not going to mess anything up in my future...in our future, without knowing that things play out the way they're supposed to here. I know the high points of the campaigns of the war. Let me help you."

[womanofvalue]

He says our future and Peggy tries not to feel the sting of pain when she thinks about the fact that no matter how selfish she's going to be, she can't see herself somehow allowing herself to let Steve stay simply because she wants him here.

(Though, she does, she absolutely and utterly does). Looking him over, she gives him a nod of her head. "Help me with Erskine and if that works, I'll bring you to Philips myself," she promises. "If I'm successful, I'll be spending a great deal of time in the lab and they'll need a liaison to look for more candidates once we know the serum works. You're clearly the right fit, so perhaps you'll be able to help identify them as well."

[bearstheshield]

"I'll be happy to do anything you need," Steve says, nodding. "I'll convince him. This serum needs to work and you need to test it. I'll do whatever it takes to convince him of that and give him every bit of evidence he needs. He can test me, if he wants. I don't mind. It's because of this serum that I'm able to do what I do to keep the world safe."

[womanofvalue]

Peggy is overwhelmed with the sudden desire to lean up and kiss his cheek for such an adamant defense of her own skills and worth. She curbs it, but only barely, instead looking at the space between them because she doesn't dare to think too much about the strange connection between them.

"In that case, I should get back to debriefing," she says, swallowing nervously as she wonders what's happening. "Will you meet me, then, tomorrow morning? We'll approach him then."

[bearstheshield]

"Absolutely. You want me to bring you anything from the Mess? Seems like the nice thing to do, since you're giving me some trust. I can bring you tea or something?"

It's starting to be a little more personal than just a mission and he knows it but he doesn't want Peggy to feel alone. Maybe her fiance had broken it off but there's people who care about her - he's starting to care more than he ever thought he could.

[womanofvalue]

"I think that I'm fine without," she says, which is a lie. She's just not sure she can keep dealing with Steve like this, so overwhelming and overpowering to all of her senses. She needs a small break from him, which is why she declines. "I'll see you in the morning, though." Then, she'll pursue the idea of siccing Steve on Erskine in order to get what she wants.

It's a relatively sleepless night, seeing as she spends it tossing and turning, thinking so much about Steve. When she wakes, she has to take cold cream to the bags under her eyes and spend an extra ten minutes on herself to avoid looking like a disaster.

Before she goes, she reads the letter from Fred one last time, not sure that she's ready to deal with it. She'll cope with it later or not at all, in true denial form. When she gets to the mess, she picks up two trays of food and settles in the corner, sipping tea as she works through her notes, trying to shore up her case before she goes to find Erskine.

[bearstheshield]

Steve finds her at breakfast, coffee and his own tray in hand, and he nods toward the seat opposite her. "This seat taken or can an old soldier sit down?"

He doesn't want to crowd her, no, but he feels like they need to make a plan of attack for speaking with Erskine.

[womanofvalue]

"It's been waiting for you," is Peggy's honest reply, gesturing to the space beside her. Once Steve is down, she places the tray of food before him, even though she looks at his. He's large enough that the extra food shouldn't be such an ordeal, she imagines, and gestures to it.

"Did you sleep well?" she asks, knowing that her careful work will have masked her own unrest, but hopefully Steve will have found some peace despite his displacement in time.

[bearstheshield]

"I can sleep just about anywhere, Peggy," Steve promises her. "Sometimes I get better sleep than others but I can usually get to lights out in a few minutes if I put my mind to it. What about you? Did you sleep well?"

She seems a little restless, by his estimation, but he doesn't want to pry. He feels like they're circling one another in a strange dance right now and while he's interested (so interested) he wants to be careful because he's from out of time.

[womanofvalue]

She knows a thing or two about being able to find rest at any point, in any place, which just makes her feel like they have a connection on levels that she doesn't want to think about. "I slept fine," she lies brusquely, not wanting to talk about how she'd stayed up all night wondering where she'd went wrong (and thinking perhaps it had to do with the fact that she shouldn't have ever been with Fred in the first place).

Eating, and using it as a distraction, she eyes him thoughtfully. "I checked in on Dr. Erskine briefly this morning," she shares. "He seems to be in decent shape, though obviously a little shaken. I think he'll be ready for a visit."

[bearstheshield]

"Good. I'll be happy to explain just how well the serum works. I don't know if there were any formulary changes between now and the future but we can assume that it's mostly the same now. I can't imagine something like that can change too much."

He hopes not, anyway. "What about you, Peggy. Are you ready to do this?"

[womanofvalue]

She doesn't know that it matters. As far as she's concerned, Erskine has presented this as a way to get a leg up in the war. She's doing her part to help in that, so her readiness doesn't matter. "It needs to be done and there are no candidates to test on," she says bluntly, trying to hide her nerves at the unknown behind the words.

"It doesn't matter if I'm ready, it matters that I'm here," she says. "Here and with no attachments for them to worry about and my genetic and personality make-up falls in line with his parametres."

[bearstheshield]

"There's that, yeah, but it...it does set you apart," Steve says. "I'm not trying to talk you out of it. It just always means you're going to be set apart from your peers in some way because you're different. I know you're a strong woman but it was hard for me for the first little while. I didn't know if that was something you'd factored in. I'm going to be the only person around that's just like you."

[womanofvalue]

She tips her head to one side, refraining from instantly retorting back with a sharp quip, because he doesn't deserve her ire like that. "Steve," she says, gentling her words even if they're still brimming with the unfairness she feels in this situation. "I'm always going to be different. Look around us."

"There's not another woman like me here, because I already am different. Why not let it be useful?" she insists, since at least this will be good for something. "Besides, I won't be entirely different," she adds, heart beating wildly. "There's you, isn't there?"

[bearstheshield]

"There is," he says softly. "And I don't even know if I can go back to my time. If I end up stuck here, maybe it'd be nice to know that there's another person out there that understands me."

He reaches out and touches her hand lightly. It's probably a breach of a thousand Army protocol rules but he doesn't really care. He wants Peggy to know she's not alone and that he cares about her, even if he's only known her for a short little while.

[womanofvalue]

She inhales deeply when he touches her hand. There's something about it that feels dangerous and risky, not only for the precarious reputation that she's been building up for herself, but also because she's not sure she should let this connection between them find a way to thrive. Yet, she also can't bring herself to push him away.

"You should also be prepared for it not to work," she musters up the words when too much time has passed and she's nearly curled her fingers in to squeeze his hand in return (she didn't, which is a small victory that feels disappointing, somehow). "That's what happened to Schmidt."

[bearstheshield]

"I think it works in people it needs to work in," Steve says. "Schmidt wasn't right for it. Maybe it's stupid, or something, but I feel like the serum takes into account the personality of the person it's being used on."

He squeezes her hand lightly. "And you've got a much better personality than he did."

[womanofvalue]

Her heart is beating faster than before. Twisting her palm just enough so that he's still holding it, but not able to feel the way it's racing, Peggy affords Steve a fond look, unable to help herself. "You're flattering me when you hardly know the personality I might be hiding," she teases.

"You've only known me a few days. What if I'm a terror?" she asks, challenging him to dare agree.